Butch is now reading the book I wrote about earlier, Dealing with the Praise and Rejection of Man. It has provoked a certain amount of discussion as we process what we are reading. I’ve been chewing on it quite a bit in the last weeks. I’d gotten to the place where I believed that we will be “thrown under the bus” so to speak, but we need not be wounded by it. Then, Butch said to me, “Honey, you can’t be thrown under the bus. You may feel like it and others may attempt to, but God won’t allow it.” My response was similar to other times he has cautioned me against the victim mentality, “Yeah, I know hon.” Seeing the truth, but not having it hit home.
Then, in the shower as I continued to think on his words, the Holy Spirit really planted those words deep in my heart. It was like He wrote that message on an arrow and shot it right at my heart…..bull’s eye! I am not the same person. Think about it….no one….absolutely NO ONE, not one single person can throw you under the bus. Let me tell you as that truth penetrated my being, it felt like a 30lb weight had immediately been lifted off of me. The pain of a conversation held 6 months ago vanished. The sting of a difficult relationship was gone along with the fear of continuing that relationship.
I was moved to tears as I thought of the freedom that truth brought. I wanted to shout for joy! I wanted to celebrate with someone! I could hardly contain my excitement! No one!! NO ONE!!! NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON can ever throw me under the bus!!! There is only one Person who has the power to wound me…and He never will!!!! Oh, others may hurt me, yes. Words and actions may sting…..but they don’t need to wound me. As I continued rejoicing over this reality, I was filled with joy as I began to consider the freedom that this truth brings.
1) I have the freedom to do as God desires because His is the only acceptance/approval I need. He accepts us…..unconditionally….without reservation. When we fear rejection of man, we are more hesitant to follow where He leads and do what He asks. Yes, people won’t like it. There will be people who wish you would go away. There will be those who believe what you are doing is wrong/evil/of the devil. There will be those simply do not like what you are doing. But, that’s ok because Papa does.
2) I have the freedom to continue in relationships that have been painful. I need not fear those relationships. I have always had a bit of discomfort with the concept that forgiveness does not necessitate a continued relationship. It made a certain amount of sense, but I had difficult believing that this is how Jesus would have acted. But now, this truth makes me realize that I can continue to reach out to those who have hurt me because they have no power to wound me. Hurt me? Yes….but not wound me. I can walk in complete trust in my relationships because my trust is in Him…..not the person who has hurt me. I can walk in complete safety in a relationship that is unsafe.
3) This realization also gives me the freedom to be completely transparent and vulnerable with others. I believe that transparency and vulnerability are crucial elements in the church that are woefully absent. We are so afraid of being real with each other. Despite our attempts at unity and loving each other, we still find this so difficult to walk and live vulnerable with each other. But, when I realize that I am not completely vulnerable….that He is my Protector….I can walk in freedom, in transparency, in vulnerability because no other person can wound me. I can enter a church, reveal the real me without fear of being thrown under the bus.
Transparency completely eliminates gossip. It takes away its fuel. When I am open with my weaknesses, what good does it do for people to tell others something about me that I’ve already told people? And, if others go around gossiping about my actions, let them. I don’t need their approval…..I need God’s. I would like for others to approve of me and like me….but I don’t need it.
Think on these verses for a moment:
…neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. Jn. 10:28b
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Ps. 91:1
For in the time of trouble, He shall hide in in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me Ps. 27:5
There are many other verses that tell us the same thing: we are completely in His care, abiding in Him. So, is there any way that someone-a finite human being-can take you away from that place of safety and harm you? Wound you? Would God allow you to be “kidnapped” away from His loving embrace to be thrown under the bus?? No, I think not. From a physical, human perspective, we may be harmed, but our spirits can remain intact and unwounded.
Most churches and families spend a lot of time focusing on teaching us to love, to act loving, to speak in a loving manner. And these are good. But, I guarantee that if 100% of the congregants in any church would cease 100% of their unloving actions and words 100% of time, 100% of the congregants would still feel rejected at some point. Why? There are several reasons. Rejection is partly perception. And, some hurts occur through completely innocent means. Also, we can get so accustomed to praise that any words we don’t like-even biblical counsel-is taken as criticism and rejection. I think we would do far better if we learn how to deal with rejection. Then we can live with each other without wounding one another. We can walk in complete freedom with each other, never fearing that we will be thrown under the bus….not because others won’t attempt it-either intentionally or not….but because we are safe in Him.
I am not advocating a hard heart toward the influence or effect of relationship, building walls around our hearts, or developing thick skin. Nor am I suggesting an independent spirit that goes through life without desire of close relationship or encouragement. What I am saying is that you can stay tender and open to others’ praise and kindness as long as you do not allow it to feed your soul, and keep in mind that as long as you are abiding in Him, no man can harm you.
If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31b
We are wounded and feel thrown under the bus when we are seeking approval/acceptance from another and we don’t receive it. Seek only His approval and acceptance and you will lose the need for that from others. Your most accurate gauge to how well you’re doing with that is to see how you recover from rejection and react to criticism.
I am so free! Free to be the me He has called me to be! If you like what I am doing, that’s good…..but if not, that’s ok too…..just so long as Papa approves.