The most often quoted passage regarding wifely submission to her husband’s leadership is found in Ephesians 5:22-33. Unbeknownst to many, owing to Paul’s propensity to using long, complex sentences, this passage starts in verse 18, “Instead, be filled with the Spirit,” (NIV). But for the sake of brevity, we will start in verse 21:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also should wives submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy…In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Eph. 5:21-25, 28, 33, NIV)
In the original Greek, there is no verb ‘submit’ in verse 22, but it is found in verse 21. Consequently, verse 22 depends upon verse 21 contextually, grammatically and syntactically. The word submit in verse 21 is the submission Paul is talking about in verse 22. In verse 21, there is no suggestion of hierarchy or authority but equality and mutual submission to one another. Paul starts by telling the Ephesians to submit to each other, then goes on to say what that might look like in the marital relationship, placing the relationship between husbands and wives into the framework of mutual submission.
Different types of submission
There are several different kinds of submission. One type is that of a subordinate to an authority. It is one-directional and involuntary. The Greek word hupakouo has this connotation; it means to obey or be subject to. Connoting dutiful obedience, hupakouo is the word Paul used in Ephesians 6 to refer to children submitting to and obeying parents. Another type of submission is a free-will submission. It does not necessarily involve a subordinate position but may. This is a submission that involves someone voluntarily coming into alignment, or yielding to, another person in love and without self-interest. It can also be reciprocal. When Paul spoke of wifely submission here in Ephesians, he chose the Greek word hupotasso that had this second connotation, especially when used in the middle voice as in this passage.
In English, we have 2 voices: active and passive. In the active voice, the subject of the sentence is responsible for the action. For example, “My husband loves me.” In the passive voice, the subject is being acted upon, as in “I am loved by my husband.” The Greek language has a third voice, the middle voice. In this voice, the subject of the verb is acting in a way that affects the subject. In a sense, the person is both subject and object of the verb, the doer and receiver of the action. It expresses a voluntary action by the subject of the verb upon the subject of the verb. When used in the middle voice, in this voluntary sense, hupotasso means something like “give allegiance to,” “tend to the needs of,” “be supportive of,” “be responsive to.”(1)
In its active voice, hupotasso, might be used of a conquering the vanquished, and it can mean subordinate, subject, subdue, place under, assign. But Paul never used hupotasso in its active form to describe any person. He doesn’t tell husbands to hupatosso their wives. He writes to the wives, using the middle voice which emphasizes the voluntary nature of “be subject to.” In the middle and/or passive voices, it can mean to exercise self-control, acquiesce, yield, submit to, defer to, be compliant with, cooperate with, commit or be loyal to, and more. (2)
Another way to describe this type of submission is to “value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of the others” (Phil. 2:4, NIV). This is the essence of Christian humility. This is the submission Paul is describing here in Ephesians.
Love and submission as mutual deference
After addressing the wives, Paul addresses the husbands telling them to love, αγαπεο(agapeo) their wives. Nothing is said about authority, but only a repeated exhortation to love. This emphasis on love is extraordinary in Paul’s world. In fact, although the admonition to love may seem normal to us, it stands in sharp contrast to how rarely the concept of love is mentioned in non-Christian writings about marriage in Paul’s day (3). Husbands were not expected to love their wives. Let us not fail to appreciate how incredibly counter-cultural Paul’s admonition to the husbands is. He is also counter-cultural in his admonition to wives. Yes, they are to submit to their husbands, but not as culture expects or requires, but as one who has agency and chooses–of her own volition–to sacrifice her wishes to align with her husband.
Agapeo and hupotasso both involve giving up one’s self-interest to serve and care for the needs of another person. This is why Paul can tell all believers to “hupotassomenoi” to one another. It doesn’t mean one is in authority and the other is subordinate, that one commands and the other obeys. It’s a voluntary coming into alignment with another, supporting each other, without self-interest. This is what Paul is instructing both husbands and wives to do. Mutual deference to the needs and interests of the other.
Hallmarks of Christ-centered relationships
Both of Paul’s admonitions in this passage, wives willingly submit and husbands sacrificially love, are found elsewhere in the context of relationships in the church that do not carry an element of subordination and authority. One is already mentioned, Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”(NIV) In 1 Corinthians 16:16, Paul urges the Corinthians, men and women, to submit to those who have devoted themselves to serving the saints and “everyone who joins in the work and labors at it” (NIV). Neither of these passages imply the first type of submission. Also, each of us, men and women, are encouraged to love each other as Christ loves us (Jn 13:34). In John’s epistles, he repeatedly urges the believers to love. Sacrificial love and voluntary submission are hallmarks of Christ-centered relationships.
In Ephesians 5, Paul is not teaching subjection to an authority or a dutiful obedience, but a responsive supportive serving. He is not telling husbands to subject their wives, or place their wives in subjection. He is encouraging wives to voluntarily put aside their own self-interest to serve and support their husbands, being responsive to their needs rather than concerned with their own; and husbands are to do the same.
Footnotes:
- Bristow, John Temple. 1988. What Paul Really Said About Women. (New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishing), p. 39-40.
- Mowczko, Marg. (2024, April 26). Submission and Savior in Ephesians 5. https://margmowczko.com/submission-saviour-ephesians-5/
- Payne, P. B. (2009). Man and Woman, One in Christ: An Exegetical and Theological Study of Paul’s Letters. (Zondervan. Grand Rapids, MI), p,. 275.