I am often praying that the Holy Spirit will illuminate a portion of scripture as I read….that something in His word becomes real….a rhema. But, I never expected to have the emotional response that I had this weekend while reading. I’m reading through the bible…reading several chapters in the Old Testament and a couple in the New. So, while we were sitting together this weekend, Butch asked me where I was in my reading. I was in 1 Chronicles 19 and 1 Timothy 5. So, he started reading in 1 Timothy some, starting with chapter 2…
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. v. 11-12 ESV
If woman are to be quiet, Lord, why didn’t you make all woman phlegmatics and/or melancholies? Why make any woman with a combination of sanguine and choleric, like me? Why did You give women strengths and gifts that make teaching and public speaking a delight to them? Basically, why did You make me the way You did? Why didn’t You make me more like her? Why did you make me in such a way that I always feel like I need to be somebody else to be accepted?
For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. v. 13-14 ESV
So, women are to be quiet and not teach because of Eve’s deception? I understand going back to creation for a foundation for this teaching, but my question is, where was Adam? Was he guiltless in this transgression….and therefore, more trustworthy? We are told that he was not deceived, so basically…..he knowingly violated God’s command. But, OTOH, Eve was desiring to obey and was deceived. Now, suppose this were your children. Child #1 was given the command and was to tell the other sibling, child #2. Child #2, not having personally heard your command and desiring to obey what he has believes you want, but being deceived, disobeys….then child #1, having heard personally your command and without any deception, knowingly and willingly violates your command….which would you trust more?(I know I’m questioning God, but I think that bothers people more than it bothers Him. In all Job’s questioning, he never sinned. His friends, though, who had all the answers about God, did.)
That section didn’t bother me too much, except for that question, because I believe I understand the passage. Wives should defer to their husbands in spiritual matters and not correct or teach them. The times my husband has felt we were on paths going in opposite directions were the times I was not following him. Interestingly, I was following what my denomination has taught through the years. But, it wasn’t what he believed. I find it somewhat amusing that while I was obeying these verses in the manner I had been taught and my denomination believed, I was actually violating them because I was not submitting to my husband’s teaching and leading. Now, that I am under him, deferring to him on spiritual and biblical matters, we are on the same path, going in the same direction, together. I should have listened to him years ago. I would have found a lot more freedom to be who God made me to be.
When we got to chapter 5, my emotions started getting the better of me. I have no idea what this passage means and it really bothered me bothers me…..
But refuse enroll younger widows(under 60 years of age), for when(not if) their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their homes, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. v. 11-14ESV
Really, Lord? So, You really believe that if I lost my husband, my passions would inevitably draw me away from You? That I would be an idler, busybody and gossip? And, to avoid that inevitability, I should marry? What if no one wants to marry me? Am I doomed?” Sunday, as Butch read it, I had to keep from crying if that’s what God might think. Today, as I re-read it, I wanted to scream in hurt and frustration, “That’s not what would happen!! I don’t need a husband to stay true to You!! Why do You think that, without him, I would go about gossiping and being a busybody?! That without him, my passions would cause me to abandon my faith??!!” I don’t mind if you think this of me…but if God does….that causes an awful lot of turmoil for me….a huge ache in my soul.
Some would easily dismiss this as Paul being chauvinistic….but I can’t…..for 2 reasons. 1) Paul had numerous women in his ministry, and not just serving meals. He elevated the role of women in many aspects of ministry and respected them highly. 2) More importantly, I believe the Bible is the inspired word of GOD, not Paul.
But, let’s get real for a moment…which gender, male or female, is more likely to have their sensual passions consume them, causing them to sin? Are not men are far more likely to find their sensual passions overwhelming than women? In fact, throughout generations, women have been given the directive to live a life-in dress and behavior-that keeps men from temptations, helping them control their passions. How many times have we been told that we should dress modestly so men don’t lust? I have no problems dressing in a way that will not cause a brother to stumble. It’s just that these verses are saying the opposite–that a woman needs a man to keep her passions under control. You can’t have this both ways: women inevitably giving over to their passions without a husband….and women responsible for men losing control of theirs. Furthermore, many women would be quite able to live out their widowed lives without having their sensual passions met. Well….except maybe their passion for chocolate.
I would concede that women are far more likely to engage in gossip than men. But, there are other activities that men engage in, without the refining influence of women, that are just as sinful. Why the need to bring out a sin to which women are prone, and use it to prove that women must have a husband to avoid their slide into sin?
Both passages have been used by many to show that women need to be controlled….by men….and marriage and homemaking is what controls them. It’s a passage that is used similar to the “submit to your masters” passages were used to control slaves in the 19th century. And, I confess, I do not like it. Oh, it’s not that I’m against marriage and homemaking. I have a wonderful marriage and am thrilled to be able to stay at home with my children, all 10 of them. I have a high regard for the role of the mother in the home and beyond. Given the choice to be or do anything, I would choose exactly the role I have. I just don’t like this stereotype and am extremely uncomfortable with the concept that this is God’s view of me or that He would create me in such a way that I would have to stifle myself all my life. God’s truth brings freedom, not bondage. His truth does not make His child continually feel like a square peg being pounded into a round hole. Nor does it make His child feel they must become a round peg so they fit well into the round hole.
Some reading this will say to take scripture as it is. Don’t try to make the Bible fit into your experience or what you are comfortable with. That’s what God said….that’s the way it is. True, but, do those verses really show us our Father’s heart? Have I interpreted it in the way Papa intended? I don’t think so. First of all, if marriage kept women from a sinful lifestyle, a woman’s righteousness would depend upon an available male and I don’t believe scripture teaches that our purity and righteousness are ever dependent upon another person.
Furthermore, I know deep inside, that this is not Daddy’s heart for His daughters….it is not what He believes of us….of me. So, what does it mean? What is this passage saying? I intend to camp out in 1 Timothy until I know.