Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to you own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:1-6, NIV
Sarah is held up as an example for women who seek to understand true beauty and what submission looks like. Rather than superimposing our understanding of patriarchy onto the narrative of Abraham and Sarah, it’s important for us to actually look at the relationship of Abraham and Sarah. What did Sarah’s submission look like? In what ways did she consider Abraham “her lord?”
Sarah followed Abram from their home in Haran to the land of Canaan. The only thing we are told is “Abram took his Sarai his wife….and set out to go to the land of Canaan.” (Gen. 12:5) We don’t know the discussion between them after God spoke to Abram. Was Sarah in agreement, making it a mutual decision? Or, was she opposed and submitted to him? It’s probably safe to assume that Sarah submitted to his decision. Twice, she submitted to Abram’s request that she lie about their relationship, saving his life but putting hers in jeopardy. Is that the kind of submission we are teaching our women? “Hon, I think this guy might kill me…how about you save my life by agreeing to have sex with him whenever he wants?”
The next interaction we see between the two of them(after the episode with Pharaoh) is when Sarai tells Abram to go in to her servant so she could have children through her servant. This is a normal request in ancient culture. If a woman could not bear children, the husband would have sex with her servant to produce children. “And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.”(Gen. 16:2a) This sounds like Abram submitted to his wife. She decided what should be done and he listened to her. It caused a lot of trouble when Hagar became pregnant, and she complained to Abram. He told her to do whatever she pleased with her slave. Her treatment of Hagar drove her away.
After the episode with Abimelech, Sarah eventually gets pregnant, as the Lord promised, and gives birth to a son, Isaac. Several years later, Sarah witnesses Ishmael mocking Isaac and tells Abraham, “Cast out this slave woman and her son, for the son of this slave woman shall not be heir with my son Isaac.” Abraham was not comfortable with that idea, but didn’t make a decision and expect her to submit to it. He took the matter to God…who told him to listen to his wife! “Whatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you…”(Gen. 21:12b) So again, Abraham listened to Sarah and did what she said to do.
What about Sarah calling Abraham “her lord.” Is this something we should emulate? Or, is there a principle of honor/respect that she modeled? The only occurrence we have is when Sarah was listening at the tent door as the angels were talking with Abraham, telling him they would have a child in a year. “Sarah laughed to herself, saying, ‘After I am worn out and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?'”(Gen. 18:12) This is an internal comment; it was not spoken aloud. She was not addressing Abraham. And it was reference Abraham’s advance age and sexual performance. ‘Her lord’ was old…and she was going to get pregnant??? She laughed at the idea!
It would seem, when we look at the example of Sarah, that Peter is not hesitant to use a bit of humor in his encouragement to Christian women. Sarah tells Abraham what to do as much as she submits to what he says to do. Also, her referral to Abraham as “her lord” was not necessarily a term of respect and honor. What we see in the Genesis narrative, is not Sarah obediently submitting to Abraham in everything, honoring him as her lord…but mutual submission and a tongue-in-cheek reference to Sarah’s internal thoughts about Abraham impregnating her at their advanced ages.
Mutual submission is the context we read in 1 Peter as well. His use of the term “likewise” draws the minds of the women to the example of Christ’s submission. This is not a submission that is coerced or conforming to authority, but a willing submission with a gentle and quiet spirit. Any pagan wife can submit to her husband when obedience is required. But only a Christian woman can demonstrate a servant-hearted submission that goes the extra mile, turns the other cheek and in that way the power of the gospel is revealed without a single word and her husband won over.
Wives weren’t the only ones given a “likewise” teaching. Husbands also had their own admonition of which Christ was their example. In Peter’s day, wives were expected to show honor to their husbands. But, he turned this upside down, shattering patriarchal presuppositions, by saying that husbands should show honor to their wives. In other words, although Sarah called Abraham “lord,” now it is husbands who must show consideration for their wives and bestow honor on them, much like a servant to his master.(1)
The apostles were writing to churches in a culture that was strongly patriarchal, steeped in misogyny and sexism. If the gospel was going to gain a strong hearing in this patriarchal world, its radical ideals needed to be tempered with cultural sensitivity. There was fear, or a concern, throughout the Greco-Roman world that the rise of freedoms for women would both threaten male dominance and lead to marital conflicts.(2) Peter, sensitive to his culture and the concerns of its citizens, placed wifely submission side-by-side with the husband’s responsibility to love their wives and treat them with honor. Equality is the undercurrent of his message…equality demonstrated by mutual love, mutual submission, mutual honor.
Older posts in this series:
Biblical Support for Egalitarianism: Sarah, An Equal Covenant Partner
Biblical Support for Egalitarianism: Ezer Kenegdo
Biblical Support for Egalitarianism: Equality in Eden
Endnotes:
1. Bilezikian, Gilbert (2006-10-01). Beyond Sex Roles: What the Bible Says about a Woman’s Place in Church and Family (p. 147). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
2. Keener, Craig S. (1992-06-01). Paul, Women, and Wives: Marriage and Women’s Ministry in the Letters of Paul (Kindle Locations 2477-2478, 2487-2488). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.