Warnings and cautions abound when one decides to be sold out completely to Jesus because often this takes a different form or appearance than what some are comfortable with. I confess it hurts me deeply that some of those who have heard my desperate cries for more of Him and saw me standing precariously close to the precipice of deism cannot celebrate the way in which God has lavished His love on me because they think it might possibly be of the enemy. And, as a result of that skepticism, little heartfelt joy was expressed, but warnings and cautions descended like a storm cloud.
I am not the only one to have heard these warnings and cautions. They have been so strong as to fill some with fear. What if I give my all to God and what becomes manifested in my life is from the enemy? What if I abandon everything to Him….and it’s all fake? What if I sell out to what He is offering….and I’m deceived? How can I know that what I’m experiencing with Him is really Him and not the enemy?
I know these fears well. My mind has had such control over me…the heart cannot be trusted, I’ve thought. Add to that a radical aversion to being wrong…..to being completely convinced of something…..passionately outspoken about it….only to be wrong. I hate it! It’s pride, ya know. I have confessed the pride….repeatedly. And, I keep giving this fear of deception to Papa. Recently, He has opened my eyes to some things that have dissipated the fear.
We have this idea that we must find something in Scripture to make anything we request or see “legit”. (It seems we don’t worry about those things we’re already comfortable with, only the “new” things that we’re skeptical about, but that’s been discussed in another post.) So, I started thinking and praying about this. I was thinking specifically of the showers of gold dust we received while worshiping. I didn’t doubt that they happened….I know what I saw….I didn’t doubt they were from God….I know whose Presence filled that room. But, others do, so I felt free to ask Him about it. “Do we really need to find it in the Bible, Papa? How can we know that it’s not the enemy’s power at work?”
I realize the absolute importance that any revelation of God cannot run contrary to Him or His word….but must we find an example in His word? If the answer to that question is a resounding “Yes!”, then we need to rethink much of what we seek Him for. It severely limits His ability to work in our modern lives. We couldn’t ask for a new stove…..a heater…..funds for the electric bill. Look around you at all that would never be found in the scripture. We could never cry out to God as we’re trying to reach someone, “Please, let them answer the phone, God!” We could never pray, “Father, direct the surgeon’s hands.” No student could ever plead, “God, please help me pass these boards!” These are things that you will not find in the bible, but does that mean they aren’t legal prayers? Not in my opinion.
Then, something else came to mind:
Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Jn. 21:25
So, it is HIGHLY possible that Jesus did do things that weren’t recorded in the word….things we don’t know about. There are multitudes of legitimate prayers that we will never realize because they weren’t written down….because there would be no room in the world for all the books it would take!! (Doesn’t that just give you goosebumps when you realize He said that we would do even greater things than He did?!)
Then, He spoke very clearly to me about the gold dust in particular, but also to my relationship to Him as a whole….and my fears and doubts disappeared. Worship is an intimate moment between me and the Lover of my soul. When He invites me into the secret place with Him, it is an intimate moment between us. I can trust that whatever happens in those moments is from Him because there is absolutely no way that my Father would EVER allow ANYONE into that moment. It would be a wicked husband who, upon receiving his bride’s heart and her unveiling herself to him in a moment of intimacy, would allow another man to come and meet that need and desire in her. A good husband jealously guards that intimacy with his bride, with violence if necessary. Even more so, our Father jealously guards those intimate moments with Him! If we give Him our heart, unveil ourselves before Him, He will NOT allow the enemy to come between us. If I am pursuing Him with abandon…..in response to Him pursuing me…..He will not allow another to steal that. The Lover of my soul would never allow the enemy of my soul to answer my need and desire for intimacy with Him! It is an insult to Him to question whether or not the enemy has answered my call for Him…and affront to His nature to think that the enemy could come between me and the Lover of my soul during moments of intimacy….an assassination of His character to believe He would allow the enemy of our souls to meet a need and desire that He must meet.
If I am seeking an experience or a sign, then yes, the enemy can and does replicate that…..and deception could occur. But, if I am seeking Him with abandon…..selling out completely to Him…..giving Him all of me without holding back…He will answer, not my enemy…..He will respond, not my enemy. The enemy cannot answer to the name of Yawheh!! Do I desire the signs and wonders? Yes! Because His word tells me He is the God of signs and wonders and where He is, they will be! Do I desire an experience? Yes, because He longs for us to know(experiential, not academic) Him! If I am not experiencing any of those things, I will not be satisfied…..because I will not be satisfied with less of Him!! I want all of Him…..and nothing less will satisfy! I want His manifest presence more than I want to breathe!!