I have been sensing a need to do a little housecleaning in my heart….and in what I write. I started this blog with the purpose of exhorting and encouraging others….to share what God is showing me and teaching me. That remains my purpose though I have strayed from it several times.
My greatest passion is for others to come to know the Father’s heart….to bask in His relentless love….to hear His unending encouragement….to rest in His unconditional acceptance…..to experience an intimate relationship with the Lover of their souls. This is what fuels my efforts to evangelize….it motivates any involvement in ministry. My heart aches for those who are still searching for that, desiring it with every fiber of their being. My soul years for those despairing of ever hearing His voice or experiencing deep, lasting intimacy with Him. It is this prayer that overwhelms me to tears often. I would love to have personal, deep connections with every person who finds themselves yearning for this…to encourage them regularly on an individual basis, but that is not possible. So, this is the means He has led me to use.
Another passion is to help people grow in Christ. I’m not an evangelist, though I realize we are all called to evangelize. My strengths and passion lie in discipling….encouraging others to press on despite the difficulties they face…rallying the troops to stand firm….exhorting people to hold fast. Like Ray Lewis. His passionate exhortation to his teammates before stepping onto the field is a familiar sight to most. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been on the field for over 60 snaps and you’re beat….it doesn’t matter if the offense has the ball on the 1 yard line and it’s 1st and goal….it doesn’t matter that a stupid mistake on your part put them there….the game is on the line. You’ve got this! Hang on! Dig in! Hold your ground! Exhortation. Encouragement. Edification. That’s my desire….my intent. I’ve missed the mark a few times, but it is still my desire.
I’ve been on quite a journey the last couple years that has made me realize a few things that haven’t been easy to learn….about what’s important to me as opposed to what He wants to be important to me….my core values. Core values are expressed best through our actions and reactions. I thought I valued truth, when in reality, I valued being right. I learned to argue aggressively so I could always defend my position, which wasn’t often because I scared off many who might disagree with me. I never learned to discuss differences with mutual respect. And, this drove people away. Like Eustace’s transformation from dragon to boy, I need Aslan to do some tearing away. I needed to be un-dragoned, so to speak. I realized that if my core value is indeed truth, which I thought it was, then I would welcome any opportunity to see where I was wrong. I would position my heart in such a way as to open that door to others to speak into my life. This realization has resulted in a stronger desire to discuss rather than argue….to understand rather than convince.
But, having truth as my core value is not enough. The purpose of truth is to set people free. Therefore, truth that brings bondage may be truth, but not need to be said. Truth that sets people free is the truth that I desire to bring to the table….to communicate the truth that releases people from the things that hinder them from being what He intended them to be. This has become one of my core values. Sharing that truth is my goal…the truth that sets people free…the truth of who they are in Christ….they truth of His passionate love for them….the truth of His desire for intimacy with them. But, also the truth of surrender…the truth of embracing the reproach of Christ….the truth of experiencing hardship for the cause of Christ.
I’m in the midst of a refining process when it comes to communicating these truths. They say old habits die hard which appears to be true. The Bible says I am crucified….the old man is dead, which means the old habits are as well. I need to reckon it to be so. I believe God is all about redemption….I simply need to yield to the process.
It is not my desire nor intent to cause or stir up division. There are times though that exhortation to one end can appear to be doing those very things if one disagrees with that end. If you disagree with me or have been wounded by the things I adhere to or speak of, any encouragement I give in that direction can seem to you to be divisive. I want to be sensitive to that, but not controlled by it.
I am a firm believer that what I am experiencing is not unique. Three things are true about whatever I experience: someone has been through it….someone is going through it right now….and/or someone will go through it in the future. So, when I share what I am learning through both His word and my experience, it is to encourage those who may be facing something similar. It is not to criticize anyone or point out how I may have been treated. It is not a public rebuke.
I have no desire to imitate Greg Williams whose defense allegedly targeted key players to take out of the game. He offered monetary rewards to any defensive player who hit certain players hard enough to keep them from returning to the field. I am not targeting any one person or group of people. This is not my attempt to argue with anyone, refute anyone or put anyone in their place. Neither is it a diatribe against any church I have attended. I have no desire to wound or cause offense to them. In fact, the very idea of that turns my stomach. When I refer to the church, I am referring to the catholic church-the church at large-not to a specific congregation. Williams is definitely not who I want to be.
Neither is it my heart’s desire to convince anyone of their error. My sincerest desire is for truth to win, not my opinion. But, I confess, this is one area that I am constantly reigning in. I sincerely covet prayers in this as I get over myself and rid my heart permanently of the desire to convince another.
I don’t want to partake in any trash talking. You know….the kind that takes place after a lot of plays. It’s an attempt to mess with the mind of the opposing player….get them confused, disheartened, or angry….all of which can effectively remove them from the game. It might be ok in football, but definitely not in the church….and it has no place in my heart.
But, I am keenly aware of a danger. Rallying the troops can soon become stirring up dissension. Ray Lewis can easily become Greg Williams. Encouraging one group can quickly become dividing from another group. Exhortation can become disputation.
And, I have crossed that line on occasion. There have been times I have put my fingers to the keyboard with the purpose of proving my point and not for edifying those who read it. I have been tempted to use as a weapon what He has given me as a tool….and I have yielded. I have used personal conversations and, though they remained anonymous, it was wrong and hurtful. So, God has been re-orienting my heart to be focused once again on my purpose: encouragement, exhortation and edification. Ray Lewis…not Greg Williams.