“For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Prov. 23:7
We can know and believe in our minds all that the Bible says about God, but still not believe it in our hearts. We may have a firm grasp, mentally, on who He is, but our hearts tell us He is something different. “Oh, but our feelings don’t matter. We must believe His word despite what we feel.” Yes, feelings may not be true, but they are indicative of something going on….a symptom that should be attended to. When a person has vertigo, the world feels like it is spinning, when it is not.(Well, it actually is spinning, but not in the way the person feels.) The ground feels like it is rocking, when it is not. Does the person just continue on because he knows the world is not rocking or spinning out of control? To ignore the vertigo, because that is not what is true, could be to ignore a more serious condition, or endanger oneself to a greater injury. In the same way, what our hearts tell us may not be true about God, but may indicate what we think or believe in our hearts…..and that determines who we are and how we act.
If I believe a person is aloof, I’ll not try to get close to them. If I feel like they don’t like me, I hesitate making myself vulnerable to them. Now, these things may or may not be true….it could just be my perception, but it affects how I relate to that person. It affects my response to them. In the same way, what we believe…in our hearts….that is not true, affects our response to God….and it affects what we believe He is saying about us.
For instance, a child raised by a harsh father will come to believe that God is harsh. That isn’t what the Bible teaches, but this person has a filter that will interpret all he reads of God…and he will believe that God is harsh, and that the Bible backs that up. Grow up in a demanding home or a legalistic church…..God will seem to be demanding to you…that you have to get everything right before He accepts you. If you feel like you can never please your parents…..you will tend to believe you cannot please God. So many people believe, in their hearts, that God is disappointed in them…..annoyed with them…..angry with them, etc. because of what they believe in their hearts! Then they are told to ignore what their hearts are saying and concentrate on what the Bible says. But, the problem with that is that their hearts’ thinking will subconsciously filter how their mind interprets the scripture they read. Consequently, the Bible then will reinforce their false beliefs. What we believe in our hearts will affect what we “hear” when we read His word, and hence what we believe in our minds.
Let me give you an example. I had believed that God’s love was general, not personal…that He loved me only because He is love and can do nothing else….that He didn’t really love ME, just mankind. I read what His word says about His love for me…I clung to it desperately, willing myself to believe despite what I felt….but I still did not believe He loves me personally….that the love talked about in most of the bible is a love for mankind…not a love for me personally. I cried out to Him in desperation, longing to know He loved me personally. Then, I read Romans 9,
As it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”
So, God loves Jacob, but hates Esau. How do I know He doesn’t hate me in the same way? In my mind, that scripture could just have easily been, “Willard have I loved, but Tammi I hated.” I didn’t think that was right or just.
Is there injustice on God’s part?
Exactly my question, Paul. This seems unjust…contrary to the nature and heart of a God who is truly loving.
By no means!
Oh, good….I must have read that wrong. Now, Paul will clarify that for me.
For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.”
Well, that helps a lot…..NOT! So, basically, this passage was reinforcing my belief that God does not love me personally. God decides-arbitrarily who He will love. Don’t question it, who are you, anyway? Then, He “defends” Himself by saying the same thing in different words, ‘I choose on whom I will have mercy or compassion. You have nothing to do with it.” Now, these verses did not tell me, in any way, that God loves me personally. I can remember getting so frustrated with these verses, I wanted to throw away my bible. Now, I was interpreting it wrong, I know that…..now. But, at the time, in the midst of my desert, I believed that’s what those verses said…..because of my heart’s belief!! I needed to start paying attention to the symptom so I could get to the root. As long as I continued to ignore my feelings, which were only a symptom, I failed to get to the root…a lie. So, I need to be certain that what I believe in my heart is accurate or my interpretation of some verses gets really screwed up.
Now, I’m not saying the Bible contradicts itself or that our feelings must be the gauge of truth and not His word. I’m saying that if our hearts tell us one thing, it will affect our relationship with God, no matter what our minds say. We do not draw close to someone we think is annoyed with us…..especially when we can use their own words to show their annoyance. If we think a person shows favorites, or is arbitrary in their relationships, we’ll avoid intimacy with that person. Those things may not be true about the person….but only a few will push back what their heart is telling them to seek what their mind says is true. Even those few will often retreat back at the slightest indication that what their hearts say is indeed true.They will not throw themselves into a relationship with a person who is harsh, demanding or angry. It may not affect their salvation, though some have grown so disillusioned they have left the faith. But, it will affect the degree of intimacy they seek and the zeal with with which they seek it.
You may feel God is distant…..He is not.
You may feel He is annoyed, disappointed, frustrated or angry with you….He is not.
You may feel He cannot use you…..He can.
You may feel He doesn’t love you……He does.
Your feelings are not true…..they are a symptom of something deeper. Before you can truly embrace, and believe in your heart, who He says you are….you must deal with the symptoms that are affecting your thoughts and filtering what you read or hear of Him.